Apologies for getting caught up with all that is going on in the world and being away from my writings.
We could talk forever on letting go and grief.
Both are an essential part of one's life.
Mary Oliver said it so succinctly in her poem "In Blackwater Woods":
To live in this world
you must be able to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it it go.
I find myself turning to poetry in addition to prayers to help soothe my grief.
My brother was very sick in the late stages of prostate cancer. I travelled home 10,000 miles away with my masks on to see him. We spent a month together, living together, talking about old times, eating all meals together everyday, watching movies on TV and funny shows. We laughed a lot and cried a lot too as I took care of him and helped him with his pain and suffering the best I could. When he asked me how much time he had left in this world, I offered a safe guess of under 6 months. "You would be under hospice care if you were in the US," said I. He listened quietly but said that I was being kind, he knew it was much less. The dying know when time is near. He died two months later.
The time I spent with him was such a gift to me. I will always treasure it. Having been there,I was totally ready to let him go. He did not need to suffer any more. Of course I was very sad at losing my oldest brother but I was at peace, thanks to our time together. It helped me in my grief immensely. What happens near end of life, stays with us forever. Having served him in his time of need was a source of strength and peace to me. I think of him fondly every morning at breakfast time, thinking of how we had such fun meal times.
When patients' families wonder as to what they can do. My sincere advice is for them to spend as much time as they can with the dying. "Tell them you love them, ask for forgiveness, forgive them, tell them it is ok if they have to go and that they will always be with you, you will miss them but you will be OK. And just be there in their presence. You really do not even have to say much. Silent presence is therapeutic too".
May you all be lucky to experience such loving moments with your friends and kin.
Amen
